Time For Another Change

Though I have not been managing this particular blog for very long, I have decided to move to another site for maintaining my blog and thus in the very near future as I get the other one up and running, I will be utilizing this one less and less. If you are interested in staying connected to me and reading the new blog, feel free to contact me for the new blog address.

Oh Good Grief!

Has it really been almost a week since my last post? Is my life really that exciting that I can't possibly find time to get on the computer to write a little something about my comings and goings? Well, clearly the answer is yes! So what have I been doing for the past week???

On Friday of last week I left work and drove to Chicago to see my favorite partner in crime, Alica. that night was laid low and stayed indoors. We ordered in pizza and breadsticks (you know, cause it is important to make sure we get enough carbs) and we watched the movie Food, Inc. It was a good documentary on the food industry in the US, but boy does it make you not want to eat anything ever again. Thankfully I got over that pretty quickly :)

On Saturday we did some shopping in the afternoon, I made us a yummy and very healthy dinner and then we got ready for what was to be the highlight of the weekend. We had tickets to see Kid Sister perform with a meet-and-greet afterward. (To find out more about her click here.) She was slated to take the stage at midnight and around 12:30am she finally came out to entertain. But then, after 1.5 songs the show was over. Apparently it wasn't a full concert, but rather more of an "appearance by" sort of thing. We did still meet her and have our picture taken with her, which at some point when I get a new computer I will be able to put pictures back on this blog. And though we were disappointed, we didn't let it stop us from enjoying the nightlife Chicago has to offer. We enjoyed it so much that we didn't get home and go to bed until after 5am!!!

On Sunday we hung out at Alica's condo, watching TV and listening to music before I hit the road to drive back up to Wisconsin. All-in-all it was a very, very fun weekend!

Monday was a productive day at work. I was in my groove and got a lot accomplished. After work I cleaned my room at Chris' place and packed up some of my belongings. Since I will be leaving in both Baraboo and Madison for the time being I wanted to have things in both locations so I don't have to pack so much and live out of suitcases all the time. So, Monday night I took care of all that and am feeling more settled in Madison. However, I did not realize how sad I would be to not be with Chris. I try to be so planful and yet somehow something still slips through my thinking cap :)

As for yesterday, a super fantastic day at work. I was in Madison all day for various meetings and really felt on top of my game. In addition, I have always felt so at home in Madison (likely due to the 9 years of living there) and really enjoyed being back in my element, so to speak.

As always, thanks for reading and I promise to try and get better with keeping up with this. hey, maybe after the Olympics are over I won't be up so late trying to see who won what medal and I can actually get more things done!!

More Good News

As I wrote a couple weeks ago, I went and had an HIV test done. Again, I did not do this out of any real concern, but just to ensure I am safe and to do the responsible thing. Well, today I got my results back and as expected I am HIV-. Even knowing I had done nothing to put myself at risk, sitting in the waiting room, just waiting to be called back to get my results, stirred up anxieties and thoughts that were really unnecessary, but there none the less.

If you would like to learn more about HIV/AIDS and to stay abreast of the issues concerning this pandemic, click here.

Good News

This morning I found out that Jason's tumor came back clean, the wounds are healing nicely and it is only a 10% chance that the growth will return. A nice big sigh of relief :)

Being there for someone when they have health concerns has proven to be a really interesting experience for me. I think for the most part by nature I am a care-giver. I want to help and make other people's lives a better existence. I guess that is why I am in the field I am in!! However, what I find most intriguing is that I have been really fortunate in my life that I have remained relatively healthy (at least physically...wink, wink) and I wonder if a time comes that my physical health deteriorates or I become ill for a long period of time who will play the role that I so often take on. The other piece of this that needs to be looked at is my ability to ask for help. I can admit that sometimes I can be just a wee bit stubborn. I know, I know...hard to believe but it does happen from time to time. My hope is that if it would come to needing to ask for help that I would release myself from my pride and just ask. Now, I need to make sure this post doesn't come back to bite me in the butt!!!

Happy Birthday Grandma

Today my grandma turns a young 81. My gift to her was to treat her to dinner at Arthur's Steakhouse in Spring Green, WI. We had talked about going there before I left for Germany and then it never happened. So, upon my return I wanted to make sure I followed through with this. Apparently, this is a restaurant that she had frequented with my grandfather and she has positive memories of the place, so it felt like it was time she returned there. It was a great time!! She talked and laughed like I haven't heard her do for some time now. She was giddy and playful and even welcomed some pictures to be taken. Once I have my new computer, I will post the pictures (and some other new ones) to share on here.

The dinner was quite tasty, though I must admit I think I ate a bit too much food. Grandma had a salad, jumbo shrimp, a baked potato and a piece of chocolate turtle cake for dessert. I had coconut shrimp, garlic mashed potatoes, a salad and a berry lemon cake. I figured through some fruit it in there and it makes the calorie count less :)

It was so much fun I am already looking forward to next year and what she and I might be able to do to celebrate!!

Catching Up

A funny thing; when I wasn't working and my life was pretty empty, I had much more time to devote to writing a blog. But now that things have picked up a bit, I notice I struggle with finding the time to write something every day. Anyway, I do the best I can and so maybe I need to accept writing something every couple of days, when I can't do something every day :)

So, here is a review of my last few days. Friday was an interesting day. Jason had surgery in the morning to have a tumor removed from his neck/throat. That meant waking up at 4am and getting to the hospital at 6am. Now, anyone who knows me is aware that I am not what you would call a morning person and yet the stamp on the parking garage at the hospital reads 6:04am. I just want to say, "You go boy!" Also on Friday I had a great meeting in Madison for work that may lead to some interesting changes in the future, specifically with regard to employment opportunities.

I would love to say that Saturday was a low-key day of relaxing and lounging, but that would not be true. Instead it was filled with obligations left and right. To begin with I needed to remove the bandage from Jason's throat. Easy enough until it started bleeding and I thought I would lose whatever might be in my stomach at that moment. Once it was done making a mess I went to take my vehicle to Chris so he could perform the first oil change on Lulu...oh he does take care of me so well that brother of mine :) He dropped me off at my first meeting, which was the second meeting of the LGBTA group in Baraboo. After the meeting, which lasted nearly 2 hours, I was picked up and then was able to go to my next meeting which was the planning committee meeting for my high school reunion, which is happening this summer. That meeting was roughly 3 hours long!!! I then went home, gathered laundry together, organized my belongings (I think I may be returning some of my items, since I won't be moving into an apartment any time soon!) and then invited my mom over to hang out with me for a bit. And then it was off to an Irish Dinner party, which was truly spectacular. The food, the company, everything was absolutely wonderful. I am so happy I was invited and able to take part in such a special night of friends, good food and even better Whiskey!!!

Sunday was Valentine's Day. Or as Alison calls it Hallmark Day. Either way, it was a great day. I slept in a bit, made a yummy (though not very healthy) breakfast and then cleaned up a bit. I went with Jason to see one of his friends and then after taking Jason home I went to the grocery store. $18 in cheese alone...I love cheese; reeeeaaaally I do!! The rest of Sunday was Olympic-mania. The best part of the day though was getting some gifts, which I truly was not expecting. I love them all and can't wait to use every single item!! I got some cute underwear, some sexy underwear, candy, candy and more candy and a new digital camera. Clearly I was spoiled :)

5 Months

It was five months ago today that I arrived back in the US from living abroad in Germany. When I first arrived back in Wisconsin, I had hopes of being able to return to Germany, to pick-up my life, my relationship and my goals for the future. As the days, weeks and eventually months passed it became ever more clear that the path I had created for myself, the direction I wanted my life to go in (or thought I wanted my life to go in), was not the one I was to take.

Five months ago I was at the lowest point of my life. I had no ambition, no desire and no zest for life. My self-esteem was shot, I didn't care about my health, my appearance and on most days I barely got out of bed. My life was no longer important; it had no meaning and I spent my days drifting aimlessly wanting it all to just end. But, as time passed, I began to heal. If it was not for the support of my family and friends, I don't believe I would even be here today. I feel very blessed for the people I have in my life and though I can't name everyone here; I would like to do a little shout-out to some of the people who have helped me rebuild my life over the past five months:

Laura - What can I say? You were there for me in a way and at a time that others were not able to be. If you had not come through with helping me leave Germany, I fear what would have happened. I love you very much and I look forward to seeing you again soon so I can wrap my arms around you and let you know face-to-face how much you impacted my life.
Chris - Thank you once again for being the most amazing brother anyone could ask for. Your generosity and love is what kept me going so much of the time. I feel honored to call you my brother and my best friend. Everyone needs someone like you in their life!!!
Mom & Aunt Sugar - You are two of the most interesting women. You each compliment my life in different ways and because of that I am forced to look at things from an alternate perspective. Thanks for pushing me out of my comfort zone :)
Kris - Even when I wanted to be alone and sit in my stink and misery you wouldn't let me. Thank you for listening, for the laughs and all the good food you have prepared for me over the past five months.
Grandma - I love you!! Being there for you when you had to go to the hospital is one of the greatest gifts I have received. I felt lucky to have the time to be there next to you, to bond and connect with you in an even deeper way than we already do.
Carsten - I am sure it looks weird seeing Carsten's name here under my thank you's, since he had a large role in the unhappiness I felt; and caused me to rebuild my life from scraps of nothing. However, I am truly thankful for what we had together and if I had not gone through what I did because of him, I would not be in the place I am at now; which is loving my life and ready for whatever adventures might be in store for me. Now ship my stuff :)
Alica - A gay boy could not ask for a better friend!!! If I were straight I would want you as my partner in life; put I guess I will settle for best friend. We have been together since the mid 90's I believe. You make me think about things in a manner different than I might otherwise think. You only offer your opinion when asked for and you take me dancing to shake my money-maker when you know I need some cheering up. You are forever my girl!
Dad - I don't know if we have ever really seen eye-to-eye, but no matter what you are my dad and I will always love you. In the past year you have shown more feelings and emotions toward me than I think you have for all the other years of my life added together. You are still growing; we are still growing together.
Jason - Our paths crossed by chance; or was it fate? We may not ever know, but what I do know is that I feel very fortunate to have been allowed into your life. We were both struggling with loss at the time our paths crossed and though the losses were different, we were able to support and encourage one another on a deeper more intimate level than we may have allowed others to do. At least I know that is true for me. Much love to you!

So, to these people and the countless others who have been in my life, I thank you for making me realize how much life I still had within me to share. I may not have all the answers, but I have at least one and that is that my life, no matter what, is worth fighting for.

Where Has My Week Gone

It has been about one full week since I have done an official entry on my blog and that seems a bit weird even to me. It is not like I haven't been doing anything or had stuff come up that I didn't want to share; but I guess life got in the way of me coming on the computer and writing about life in the Boo. Anyway, let's recap the last week shall we???

Last week Thursday I decided to have an HIV test done. I know that based on my own behaviors and choices I have no worries with this; however, I don't have that same certainty when it comes to someone else's choices so to keep myself safe, and anyone I might chose to be with in that special way, I decided to have the test done. I spent five years doing HIV/AIDS Awareness in Chicago and conducting programs on Safer Sex Awareness and so clearly what I did last Thursday was just the responsible thing to do.

Last week Friday I looked at renting a cottage here in Baraboo. It is part of the Ringling Brothers Manor, which for those who don't know was a very wealthy family with a long-standing history here in Baraboo. The cottage is cute, but I just couldn't see myself living there; at least not at this time in my life. Assuming I get my belongings from Germany, I would clearly not have enough closet space for all my clothes. Though the cottage is a three bedroom which could have meant one room to sleep in, one for all my CDs and another for books :)

The highlight of my week was by far last week Saturday where I went to Eagle, WI (don't worry I never heard of it before either) and spent the day with Jason and four of his sisters. It was another day of grazing, playing games, and laughing. Maybe it's the psychologist in me, but I love looking at how families interact, the way they talk with one another, communicate non-verbally and just the way they engage with each other. Well, Jason's family is so loving, warm and welcoming. They clearly have a lot of respect and love for one another and it shows!! This is something not often seen with some families. I never once felt out of place and was immediately welcomed into the fold.

I had high hopes for my Sunday; though I must admit this was the lowest point of my last week. I watched some TV; I am becoming a bit addicted to the TV show Hoarders, and basically sat in the Lay-Z-Boy all day making sure it didn't move. I woke up feeling great, energized and full of life, but then I received a voice-mail that felt like a kick in the stomach. I know I shouldn't let things get to me the way they do sometimes, but every once in a while when a person is caught off guard it is hard not to feel the wind taken out of you; even in a metaphorical way. The rest of Sunday became an emotional day, with a lot of tears and questions. This mood stuck with me for the next couple of days, but never reached the low point of Sunday. Thankfully I have amazing people in my life who listen to me, respect me and help guide me when I feel lost.

The beginning part of this week was more low-key. I hung out at home, seeing some family and friends, and looking at my housing options and what feels like the best idea at the moment. Though I am leaning in a certain direction at this time, I am also trying to be cautious and not to misstep. Sometimes this is easier said than done :) I am also starting to prepare for a vacation, which will likely happen in January 2011. I know, you are saying to yourself "Wow, that is a long way away." Yes, it is, but when you are planning a trip to sunny Argentina it can take some time (and money) to plan such a trip!!!! So, Carla, get ready because I am on my way!!

In other news, I am loving my job and the challenges it presents. However, it is not all rosy. In the 8 weeks I have worked there I have been paid only twice and received only one mileage check. As Chris pointed out to me, it is a good thing I don't have rent/mortgage or utilities to pay for. How true he is. If I was a real adult with housing responsibilities I would be in a bit of trouble. But alas, that is not the case for me!!

So that's my week. Some ups and downs and never boring. What's ahead will likely prove to be much of the same. Jason goes in for surgery on Friday and hopefully all will go well there. Saturday is a busy day for me, as I have another LGBTA meeting in Baraboo, a planning meeting for my high school reunion, which is happening this summer, an oil change for my car (I have already put nearly 4000 miles on it in 2-months) and and Irish Dinner at my friend Kris' mom's home. For Sunday my goal is to relax, maybe go for a walk if the weather cooperates and love my life :)

Happy Birthday Jason!

I would like to wish Jason a very happy birthday. In the nearly 5 months that we have known one another you have already made such a huge impact on my life. Here it is your birthday and yet I feel as though I am the one who has continually received gifts from you. Thank you for helping me find myself again, to believe in happiness, love and forgiveness; and most of all to not give up even when things feel overwhelming. Your last year was a rough one and I hope to be able to play some role in this next year of your life where you feel all of the warmth that you have so generously bestowed on me. Shine on Jason!!

Yummy, Yummy Food

I feel like I can eat and eat and eat as of late. Even once I am full I seem to want to eat some more. Thankfully my size 33 skinny jeans still fit otherwise I would not be a happy person right about now. Anyway, today was filled with such good food. My Aunt Sugar made some of my favorite cookies and although I easily could have eaten them all, I did share them with three other people; sorry you didn't get any Jason. Then for dinner tonight I ate at my friend Kris' place with her and her family. She made the best cheese and vegetable soup I think I have ever eaten. I had bought a fresh loaf of French bread earlier in the day at the local bakery and she made garlic toast out of it...so good my mouth is watering now just thinking about it. And for dessert, a lemon cake with cream cheese and lemon frosting. I don't normally eat frosting, but this was some good stuff!! Time to increase the workouts!

A Very Good Day

I must admit, I was a bit anxious for today, but in the end it seemed to work out just fine. One of the issues for today was yet another doctor's appointment for Jason. However, the report today was a positive one, which is a huge relief. The other part of today that caused me a bit of worry was my first time facilitating the Southern Region Crisis Grant Committee. I am not saying I did a perfect job, but I did well enough and was given props for the job I did. I must admit, it feels really good to feel appreciated; it has been a long time since that emotion has come over me.

Now, for the best part of the day...my lunch. I went to a local bakery for lunch and had the most yummy beet and feta cheese salad and for dessert a blueberry lemon scone. Wow, were they good. I literally inhaled both of them in less than 15 minutes!!!

Now tonight I am having tortilla soup, a salad, bread with olive oil and Parmesan cheese, and for dessert another fruit smoothie. I am also hoping to relax in the hot tub tonight, though that has been my plan for much of the week :)

Thanks for every one's well wishes. I am very blessed to have you all in my life!!!

Positive Thoughts

It has been pointed out to me on many occasions that I can be a wee bit self-absorbed. Personally, I don't see that as an issue! Anyway, two people close to me are dealing with some things right now and since if you are reading this you likely care about me, I would ask that by extension of that you send positive thoughts to both Jason and Courtney. I will not go into what is involved in each of their situations, I mean, this blog is all about me :) But they both could use some extra encouragement and support right now. I thank you in advance for helping me with this.

In other news, I booked a flight today for Las Vegas. I have not been to Las Vegas since about 1997/8, when I went there for a long weekend with my mom. We had so much fun. Man, did I consume a lot of alcohol, and yet never once felt intoxicated. I did do a lot of walking, and of course eating, so maybe that helped as well! Anyway, this time I am going there for a friend's wedding. It should be a good time, filled with great friends and new memories...what more could I ask for.

Besides the wedding, I have some other plans already in play. I told myself, and others, that I was not making plans for things since the last time I did that (live in Germany for five years) it blew up in my face. Well, that plan of not planning is not working out too well. I now have plans to see the band Owl City in April, the play the Lion King in May, attend a Brewer's game in May, the wedding in Las Vegas in June and go to a bed and breakfast (my first time ever) in July. Also in July is my high school reunion. Even though it is only like my 5-year (or some year divisible by five), I think I will still go and see how everyone is doing :)

My Thighs and P!nk

Okay, let me begin by saying I am very proud of myself for actually going running last night. As much as I love to run and find it very cathartic and stress-reducing; I have not been very good the past two or three months on getting myself to do it. However, last night I did it. I was a bit scared at first as to how well I would actually do after taking a sabbatical from the whole running experience. But, I think I did pretty darn well. Actually, I picked up right where I left off and did a 10 minute mile. That's 3 miles in 30 minutes!!! I was so happy, out of breath, but happy. I also rode the stationary bike, did some crunches (100) and lifted some weights. It was a great workout and has got me excited to continue taking better care of my body. On the down side, today my lower, inner thighs are killing me and walking stairs causes me the most discomfort!!

So, after working out last night I made the dinner I wrote about in my previous post. It turned out pretty good; I didn't over eat and felt the portions of everything was on a healthy level. Oh, and the fruit smoothie last night was super yummy in my opinion. I think I will make another one tonight!!! Anyway, after dinner I watched the Grammy's (thank goodness for DVR...Alica I never fully appreciated your addiction to this device until now!!!). I think this was by far one of the worst Grammy award shows I have ever seen. Only one moment in the show had me in awe and that was when P!nk performed. I was so blown away by her. As most people know I was slated to see her perform in November 2009 in Germany, but due to circumstances that didn't happen; but at least the tickets didn't go to waste...hope you enjoyed the show Carsten! Thankfully I'm not bitter :) Anyway, the rest of the show sucked butt, but I still have the P!nk performance to give me hope for future Grammy award shows; why can't more people put on a performance like that?